Last spring my sister brought my mother home to live with her. Mom has dementia and needed surgery. It was very traumatic for her and she went home with Sis to recuperate. Now she lives with Sis full time. It has been up and down for everyone. After a year with only one short visit here for Mom so a new bathroom could be retrofitted at my sister's, Mom has pretty much been in the same place. She has come to rely on Sis for pretty much everything. So after a year, Sis needed to have a few days for herself and Mom came here for a few days.
It is amazing the improvement and decline that has happened at the same time. Dementia is an unforgiving disease. We have spent a lot of time researching. The theory we have come up with is that there may be a link to Mom's tuberculosis from back when she was younger. Her physical health is pretty good, but her anxiety over little things tend to over shadow everything else in her life. It actually looks like she is afraid to be happy.
The loss of joy is the most heart braking for me. The disease has robbed my mother of joy. She struggles to find a positive energy in her day and is unable to articulate this to others. The phrase, "does not compute" takes on a new meaning.
We must learn to keep things light and relaxed when Mom visits. I understand now that direction may be needed and stubbornness overcome in the most gentle way.
My feelings are all over the place and difficult to put down here. Part stress, part frustration, part sadness, sometimes impatience, sometimes acceptance. Fear of the unknown for everyone manifests itself now and then. Faith in human strength to overcome and accept what 'is' keeps me going. Being patient with myself and all of the conflicting emotions can be challenging. So I will vent here and re-read and hope that I become a stronger, kinder, better human being..
